I'm doing it! To this date I am only 18 lbs away from my goal weight.... 18 lbs that doesn't seem so far away. People ask me all the time what I'm doing cause they think I look good! My answer is the awesome way I eat! I'm not saying its easy and its definitely not convenient, but with a little planning I am well on my way to being my sexy self! I am NEVER going back to eating the way that made me fat.

Black Bean and Yam tacos

These are really good.
I believe that Andrea has a picture of them...


2 corn tortillas
1/2 cup black beans, canned
1/2 small yam
1/2 cup onion
1 tsp. agave (I just sprinkled brown sugar)
1 can diced green chilis
4 TBS fresh salsa
avacado

Cook yam in microwave until 3/4 done.(about 4-5 mins) Cut off skin and slice.

Put 1 TBS olive oil in a skillet. Add onions. Saute for a few minutes. Add yams. Saute until starting to brown. Add can of green chilis, agave, sea salt and pepper.

Crisp up corn tortillas. Add yam mixture, black beans, salsa and avacado. Eat!

I need a "therapy" session.

UUUUGH! AAAAAH! Ok, I feel better. (almost)
I don't know what's going on, (ok I do)
but boy do I feel derailed.
I have gained 5 pounds in the last 3 days.
That is horrible! There are so many things going on in my head and most of them I don't want to put down here...
but I have issues.
I don't want issues...
I want to want to be thin (If that makes sense)
I was actually seeing progress, I was 3 pounds away from my first big goal. 3 pounds. Now I'm 8 and I won't make my deadline. That brings a whole new discouragement in and of itself that I would sabatoge myself. URRRR!
Enough rambling...
back to work.

Smoothie I had this week....

I don't know the name of it:
Yummy smoothie
1 pineapple
1/2 can of coconut milk
1 1/2 cups cubed mango
two handfuls of spinach
1/2 avacado
and ice
BLEND and enjoy

My Journey

So, I'm Jill! The third blogger on this blog. My journey is similar to both Andrea and Sorena as to why I want to healthy, but my story is much different. I am currently a single Mom to four amazing little ones. I have been divorced for 2 years now. And I am trying to figure out who I am. I know that I can be anyone or anything that I want, but I can't figure out how to get there.

I was in a very unhealthy marriage... Married to a man who didn't love me, encourage me, or support me in anyway. And In 2007 I delivered a stillborn little boy -by myself at home in the bathroom. No one knows why my baby didn't make it. But on the hospital reports it was labeled as obesity from the mother. And I was obese. I weighed 290 lbs and was so completely miserable. It wasn't until after the death of my baby that I decided I didn't like the way I was living my life. So I started walking/jogging. And I found I loved it!! It was so nice to be able to do something just for me. I learned all sorts of things about eating healthy and portion control and the weight started to come off. The more weight I lost the more self confidence that I got and I decided that it was time to be happy for me. I ended my marriage... not because I looked good, but because I deserved better. It took me a long time to learn and know that I deserved to be loved. I spent my entire life doubting myself and trying to be someone else. And I can't do that anymore.

So here I am now. I have lost just over 100 lbs (that's something to be proud of, right?) just by dieting and exercise. I even had a baby last year and have lost that weight too. I have learned so much about myself, my heart, and my emotions. Its amazing how my weight loss has been tied to my emotions and my heart. I have found that as I have been able to peel back the layers of my hurt and heal those then the fat goes away. So this is my journey... to finish what I started. To lose the last 20-25 lbs. I need to learn what is blocking my heart so that I can let the rest of the weight go. I feel that as I give my body the nourishment it needs it will in return nourish my heart and help me to open up and finally heal. I have had years and years of pain to deal with and sort through, but I'm doing it and I am down to the last few locks. I know that when I finally do unlock the pain and let it go I will be a whole new me. I will be able to love and more importantly BE loved.

What Are We Doing Here?

I think that Sorena is very brave to put up a picture of herself that she hates.  She's brave for a lot of reasons, but that's one of them.  I'm not so brave.  But I'm gonna try.

So to answer the question...Why am I doing this blog?

When I was pregnant with Daniel six years ago, I was so afraid that I was going to lose him that I never took a moment to enjoy it, to be hopeful or expectant.  I was just scared.  All the time.  So after five years, I decided to take the plunge and try another IVF before I was officially too old.  And wonder of wonders, it worked!  I was pregnant!  With this baby I was going to excited almost in spite of myself.  In fact, I was so excited that I could hardly sleep.  The days were trickling by...so so slowly...four weeks, five weeks, six weeks. 

I had a scare at six weeks in fact.  The day after the ultrasound (which mercifully showed only one baby--but with a strong heartbeat), I started bleeding.  After the initial shock, and on the way to the hospital, I felt peace.  Like everything was going to be okay.  And it was.  There was still a heartbeat!  The bleeding stopped.  I took it easy.  I actually watched TV.  I read a LOT of books.  Seven weeks, eight weeks, nine weeks...

At twelve weeks we went to Mexico.  What a wonderful vacation!  Delicious food, family and friends, a fabulous villa.  The temperature was perfect.  The water was perfect.  It was a magical vacation.

Thirteen weeks, fourteen weeks, fifteen weeks...I made it past the time when I lost Angelita eight years ago.  That's a good sign, right?  Christmas came and went.  Shirsten and I flitted off to New Orleans and enjoyed each other's company for a few days.  Sciatic nerve pain, heartburn, bloating, and almost constant discomfort were the hallmarks of this pregnancy.  In fact, when Shirsten and I returned to our hotel room after walking the French Quarter, she said she was nervous about having a baby because I was so uncomfortable all the time.  And I was.  But it was worth it.  I knew why.  And it was so worth it.

Seventeen weeks...eighteen...Well, those of you who know me know how this story ends.  On January 7 Gene and I drove to American Fork for an initial OB appointment with a Dr. Watabe.  And our world crashed in around us.  Once again, at a doctor's office, surrounded by strangers, there was no heartbeat.  Our baby looked so perfect, but there was nothing but silence.  Horrifying, total, devastating silence.  His heart had stopped.  This could not be real.  Their equipment must be faulty.  For the first time in a very long time, I doubted.  How could my Father in Heaven really love me? 

That night ranks as one of the worst nights of my life.  I couldn't sleep.  I knew that I couldn't wait until my body understood that it was carrying death...not again.  So the next day, Celeste took Gene and I to the hospital.  This time there wasn't peace.  And everything was not okay.  They induced labor, and late in the evening on January 8 my Anthony was born.  He was so perfect.  His hands and his feet:  knuckles and wrinkles and nails.  How can anything be that tiny?  And cold.  He was so cold.  Once again, my own heart felt shattered into a million pieces. But somehow, when his little body was placed in my hand, my Faith was restored. 

For the next few days, sorrow was the most prominent thing in my life.  I wasn't particularly interested in anything else.  I felt changed somehow.  And resolute.  I would try again.  Not sure when.  But I would try. 

Anthony gave me a gift.  The gift of health.  In spite of all of these years of trying...triathlon, running, colon hydrotherapy, fasting, Medifast, Body for Life, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, personal trainers, food tracking, months and months of no result and failure, with Anthony I was given an impetus and an urgency to find the answers for Health in my life.

I've been searching...reading and studying and trying all kinds of new things.  At first I just didn't eat much.  Then I tried Medifast.  But I had no energy and I didn't feel that great.  A turning point was reading Ultrametabolism, then pH Miracle for Weight Loss,  Eat for Life, a multitude of cookbooks. And something actually working.  It's been just over two months since Anthony died.  I've lost 32 pounds. 

And I am well on my journey.  I am eating mostly vegan (with the occasional seafood).  No dairy.  No eggs.  No chicken, turkey, pork, beef...But more important than what I am NOT eating is what I AM eating.  I am eating fresh, whole foods.  Organic fruits.  Organic vegetables.  Drinking alkaline water.  I think maybe the key to health and weight loss is planning.  It's knowing what to eat and when and how much.  Not just to not be hungry, but to nourish your body, feed your soul, and heal whatever ails you.  To do that, having options helps A LOT.  So, we are trying hundreds of new recipes that use all the foods that are best for your body (from what I can determine).  And a little trust in yourself.  And a reason to keep going when it's hard and different from what everyone else eats.

I feel good.  I have energy.  I am happy.  Optimistic.  Joyful.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Today was a beautiful Sunday.  Despite the fact that we lost an hour (man do I hate that!).  Church was uplifting and fed my soul.  Also, the weather is absolutely glorious!  Welcome, Springtime.  :)

I have been asked to put a few things up on the blog. 

First, I will do the cupcakes.  I made cupcakes on Thursday for Relief Society and had a lot of fun doing it.  Although I only ate one (the Coconut Heaven), I did make sure that the others were good before I fed them to anyone.  They appeared to pass muster, so here they are...

These are from Vegan with a Vengeance

Coconut Heaven Cupcakes
1 cup flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ cup oil
1 cup coconut milk
⅔ cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup unsweetened coconut


Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Put papers in muffin tin.

Sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. In a separate bowl combine the oil, coconut milk, sugar, and vanilla. Pour the dry ingredients into the wet and mix until smooth. Fold in 1 cup coconut. Use an ice cream scoop to fill each muffin tin 2/3 full. Bake at 350 for 20-22 minutes. They should be brown around the edges and spring back when touched.

Fluffy Coconut Frosting

¼ cup vegan margarine
¼ cup coconut milk
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups powdered sugar
1 cup coconut (best if unsweetened)

Cream the margarine until light and fluffy. Add the coconut milk and vanilla. Add powdered sugar and mix until smooth—this could take up to 5 minutes! It really does take a while, so don't get discouraged.  Add coconut and combine. Refrigerate until ready to use.  I used unsweetened coconut in the frosting, and then sprinkled a little sweetened stuff on the top.

These were adapted from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World.  I made the Vanilla Cupcake recipe, and then folded in some frozen blackberries.  I made the frosting using cream cheese.  Although I purchased a vegan version, it was a brand I hadn't used before and I wasn't a big fan.  So, I used some reduced fat regular cream cheese I had in the fridge.  It was the cream cheese frosting recipe from Better Homes & Gardens Cookbook.  I did take about 1/3 of it and add blackberries and blackberry juice, and hence a bit more powdered sugar so that I could swirl together the colors.

2 cups soy milk
2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar
2.5 cups all purpose flour
4 tablespoons cornstarch
1.5 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
1 cup Earth Balance butter
1.5 cups sugar
4 teaspoons vanilla
½ teaspoon almond  extract

Preheat oven to 350. Put liners in muffin tin.

Whisk the soy milk and vinegar in a measuring cup and set aside to curdle.

If using margarine: sift the flour, cornstarch, baking powder, baking soda, and salt into a large bowl and mix.

In a separate large bowl, using a handheld mixer at medium speed to cream the margarine and sugar for about 2 minutes until light and fluffy, but don't beat past 2 minutes. Beat in vanilla and other extract, and then alternate beating in the soy milk mixture and the dry ingredients, stopping to scrape the sides of the bowl a few times.

Fill cupcake liners 2/3 full and bake for 20 to 22 minutes until done.

Finally, I made a chocolate cinnamon cake for the chocolate cupcakes.  This is not actually a cupcake recipe, although I made cupcakes with it.  I frosted half of them with an almond frosting that Sorena made (and colored purple).  She'll have to post that recipe.  The other half I covered with a chocolate ganache called Holy Chocolate Frosting.  I put a pretty little purple flower on top.  I don't have a picture of that one cause they all get eaten.  You'll have to use your imagination (or memory if you were there!).

This recipe was from Eat, Drink, and Be Vegan and is called Chocolate Sin-ammon Cake.

1.25 cups spelt flour
1 cup all purpose flour
½ cup regular cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking powder
1.5 teaspoons baking soda
1.125 cups unrefined sugar
½ teaspoon sea salt
2-2.5 teaspoons cinnamon
¼ teaspoon nutmeg
1.75 cups water
⅛ cup balsamic vinegar
1.5 teaspoons pure vanilla
¼ cup canola oil
Preheat oven to 350.

In large bowl, combine dry ingredients, sifting in flour, cocoa, baking powder, and baking soda, and mix until well combined.

In a separate bowl, combine water, vinegar, vanilla, and oil. Add wet mixture to dry, and stir until just well combined.

Lightly oil 2 round cake pans. Pour batter evenly into pans. Bake for 23 to 25 minutes, use toothpick test.








The one I don't have a picture of used Holy Chocolate Frosting (so ridiculously easy).  It is from
ExtraVeganZa.

1 cup vegan dark chocolate chips
⅓ cup soy margarine
Melt on low heat. Pour over a cooled cake. Put dessert in fridge and let the icing set.

Hopefully you're not terribly sick of me yet.  I also made the Vegan Chipotle Ranch dressing (YUM) although I only put in 1/2 cup of the sour cream.  I had it with a taco salad.  I used a multigrain baked chip, avocado, my homemade salsa, black beans, and some romaine lettuce.  Although it packed a punch it was a yummy punch. 

Finally, I had the kids make some Ants on a Branch from the Family Fun Cookbook.  They were not that easy, as they kept falling off the pretzel, but they are pretty cute.  It made a big difference to scrape a portion of the pretzel flat so it would hold the "ants."

12 chocolate covered malt balls
½ cup chocolate chips
4 pretzel rods
chow mein noodles
candy dot eyes
black shoestring licorice

With a butter knife, scrape a flat spot on the bottoms of 12 malt balls. Next, melt the chocolate chips.

Set the four pretzel rods on a cooling rack to keep them from rolling. Place waxed paper under the rack to catch chocolate.

Before the chocolate sets, press three malt balls, flat sides down, on each pretzel to create an ant's body. For legs, dip the ends of six crunchy chow mean noodles into the chocolate and stick them on the pretzel. Use more chocolate to attach eyes and antennae.