My Journey

So, I'm Jill! The third blogger on this blog. My journey is similar to both Andrea and Sorena as to why I want to healthy, but my story is much different. I am currently a single Mom to four amazing little ones. I have been divorced for 2 years now. And I am trying to figure out who I am. I know that I can be anyone or anything that I want, but I can't figure out how to get there.

I was in a very unhealthy marriage... Married to a man who didn't love me, encourage me, or support me in anyway. And In 2007 I delivered a stillborn little boy -by myself at home in the bathroom. No one knows why my baby didn't make it. But on the hospital reports it was labeled as obesity from the mother. And I was obese. I weighed 290 lbs and was so completely miserable. It wasn't until after the death of my baby that I decided I didn't like the way I was living my life. So I started walking/jogging. And I found I loved it!! It was so nice to be able to do something just for me. I learned all sorts of things about eating healthy and portion control and the weight started to come off. The more weight I lost the more self confidence that I got and I decided that it was time to be happy for me. I ended my marriage... not because I looked good, but because I deserved better. It took me a long time to learn and know that I deserved to be loved. I spent my entire life doubting myself and trying to be someone else. And I can't do that anymore.

So here I am now. I have lost just over 100 lbs (that's something to be proud of, right?) just by dieting and exercise. I even had a baby last year and have lost that weight too. I have learned so much about myself, my heart, and my emotions. Its amazing how my weight loss has been tied to my emotions and my heart. I have found that as I have been able to peel back the layers of my hurt and heal those then the fat goes away. So this is my journey... to finish what I started. To lose the last 20-25 lbs. I need to learn what is blocking my heart so that I can let the rest of the weight go. I feel that as I give my body the nourishment it needs it will in return nourish my heart and help me to open up and finally heal. I have had years and years of pain to deal with and sort through, but I'm doing it and I am down to the last few locks. I know that when I finally do unlock the pain and let it go I will be a whole new me. I will be able to love and more importantly BE loved.