I'm doing it! To this date I am only 18 lbs away from my goal weight.... 18 lbs that doesn't seem so far away. People ask me all the time what I'm doing cause they think I look good! My answer is the awesome way I eat! I'm not saying its easy and its definitely not convenient, but with a little planning I am well on my way to being my sexy self! I am NEVER going back to eating the way that made me fat.

Black Bean and Yam tacos

These are really good.
I believe that Andrea has a picture of them...


2 corn tortillas
1/2 cup black beans, canned
1/2 small yam
1/2 cup onion
1 tsp. agave (I just sprinkled brown sugar)
1 can diced green chilis
4 TBS fresh salsa
avacado

Cook yam in microwave until 3/4 done.(about 4-5 mins) Cut off skin and slice.

Put 1 TBS olive oil in a skillet. Add onions. Saute for a few minutes. Add yams. Saute until starting to brown. Add can of green chilis, agave, sea salt and pepper.

Crisp up corn tortillas. Add yam mixture, black beans, salsa and avacado. Eat!

I need a "therapy" session.

UUUUGH! AAAAAH! Ok, I feel better. (almost)
I don't know what's going on, (ok I do)
but boy do I feel derailed.
I have gained 5 pounds in the last 3 days.
That is horrible! There are so many things going on in my head and most of them I don't want to put down here...
but I have issues.
I don't want issues...
I want to want to be thin (If that makes sense)
I was actually seeing progress, I was 3 pounds away from my first big goal. 3 pounds. Now I'm 8 and I won't make my deadline. That brings a whole new discouragement in and of itself that I would sabatoge myself. URRRR!
Enough rambling...
back to work.

Smoothie I had this week....

I don't know the name of it:
Yummy smoothie
1 pineapple
1/2 can of coconut milk
1 1/2 cups cubed mango
two handfuls of spinach
1/2 avacado
and ice
BLEND and enjoy

My Journey

So, I'm Jill! The third blogger on this blog. My journey is similar to both Andrea and Sorena as to why I want to healthy, but my story is much different. I am currently a single Mom to four amazing little ones. I have been divorced for 2 years now. And I am trying to figure out who I am. I know that I can be anyone or anything that I want, but I can't figure out how to get there.

I was in a very unhealthy marriage... Married to a man who didn't love me, encourage me, or support me in anyway. And In 2007 I delivered a stillborn little boy -by myself at home in the bathroom. No one knows why my baby didn't make it. But on the hospital reports it was labeled as obesity from the mother. And I was obese. I weighed 290 lbs and was so completely miserable. It wasn't until after the death of my baby that I decided I didn't like the way I was living my life. So I started walking/jogging. And I found I loved it!! It was so nice to be able to do something just for me. I learned all sorts of things about eating healthy and portion control and the weight started to come off. The more weight I lost the more self confidence that I got and I decided that it was time to be happy for me. I ended my marriage... not because I looked good, but because I deserved better. It took me a long time to learn and know that I deserved to be loved. I spent my entire life doubting myself and trying to be someone else. And I can't do that anymore.

So here I am now. I have lost just over 100 lbs (that's something to be proud of, right?) just by dieting and exercise. I even had a baby last year and have lost that weight too. I have learned so much about myself, my heart, and my emotions. Its amazing how my weight loss has been tied to my emotions and my heart. I have found that as I have been able to peel back the layers of my hurt and heal those then the fat goes away. So this is my journey... to finish what I started. To lose the last 20-25 lbs. I need to learn what is blocking my heart so that I can let the rest of the weight go. I feel that as I give my body the nourishment it needs it will in return nourish my heart and help me to open up and finally heal. I have had years and years of pain to deal with and sort through, but I'm doing it and I am down to the last few locks. I know that when I finally do unlock the pain and let it go I will be a whole new me. I will be able to love and more importantly BE loved.

What Are We Doing Here?

I think that Sorena is very brave to put up a picture of herself that she hates.  She's brave for a lot of reasons, but that's one of them.  I'm not so brave.  But I'm gonna try.

So to answer the question...Why am I doing this blog?

When I was pregnant with Daniel six years ago, I was so afraid that I was going to lose him that I never took a moment to enjoy it, to be hopeful or expectant.  I was just scared.  All the time.  So after five years, I decided to take the plunge and try another IVF before I was officially too old.  And wonder of wonders, it worked!  I was pregnant!  With this baby I was going to excited almost in spite of myself.  In fact, I was so excited that I could hardly sleep.  The days were trickling by...so so slowly...four weeks, five weeks, six weeks. 

I had a scare at six weeks in fact.  The day after the ultrasound (which mercifully showed only one baby--but with a strong heartbeat), I started bleeding.  After the initial shock, and on the way to the hospital, I felt peace.  Like everything was going to be okay.  And it was.  There was still a heartbeat!  The bleeding stopped.  I took it easy.  I actually watched TV.  I read a LOT of books.  Seven weeks, eight weeks, nine weeks...

At twelve weeks we went to Mexico.  What a wonderful vacation!  Delicious food, family and friends, a fabulous villa.  The temperature was perfect.  The water was perfect.  It was a magical vacation.

Thirteen weeks, fourteen weeks, fifteen weeks...I made it past the time when I lost Angelita eight years ago.  That's a good sign, right?  Christmas came and went.  Shirsten and I flitted off to New Orleans and enjoyed each other's company for a few days.  Sciatic nerve pain, heartburn, bloating, and almost constant discomfort were the hallmarks of this pregnancy.  In fact, when Shirsten and I returned to our hotel room after walking the French Quarter, she said she was nervous about having a baby because I was so uncomfortable all the time.  And I was.  But it was worth it.  I knew why.  And it was so worth it.

Seventeen weeks...eighteen...Well, those of you who know me know how this story ends.  On January 7 Gene and I drove to American Fork for an initial OB appointment with a Dr. Watabe.  And our world crashed in around us.  Once again, at a doctor's office, surrounded by strangers, there was no heartbeat.  Our baby looked so perfect, but there was nothing but silence.  Horrifying, total, devastating silence.  His heart had stopped.  This could not be real.  Their equipment must be faulty.  For the first time in a very long time, I doubted.  How could my Father in Heaven really love me? 

That night ranks as one of the worst nights of my life.  I couldn't sleep.  I knew that I couldn't wait until my body understood that it was carrying death...not again.  So the next day, Celeste took Gene and I to the hospital.  This time there wasn't peace.  And everything was not okay.  They induced labor, and late in the evening on January 8 my Anthony was born.  He was so perfect.  His hands and his feet:  knuckles and wrinkles and nails.  How can anything be that tiny?  And cold.  He was so cold.  Once again, my own heart felt shattered into a million pieces. But somehow, when his little body was placed in my hand, my Faith was restored. 

For the next few days, sorrow was the most prominent thing in my life.  I wasn't particularly interested in anything else.  I felt changed somehow.  And resolute.  I would try again.  Not sure when.  But I would try. 

Anthony gave me a gift.  The gift of health.  In spite of all of these years of trying...triathlon, running, colon hydrotherapy, fasting, Medifast, Body for Life, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, personal trainers, food tracking, months and months of no result and failure, with Anthony I was given an impetus and an urgency to find the answers for Health in my life.

I've been searching...reading and studying and trying all kinds of new things.  At first I just didn't eat much.  Then I tried Medifast.  But I had no energy and I didn't feel that great.  A turning point was reading Ultrametabolism, then pH Miracle for Weight Loss,  Eat for Life, a multitude of cookbooks. And something actually working.  It's been just over two months since Anthony died.  I've lost 32 pounds. 

And I am well on my journey.  I am eating mostly vegan (with the occasional seafood).  No dairy.  No eggs.  No chicken, turkey, pork, beef...But more important than what I am NOT eating is what I AM eating.  I am eating fresh, whole foods.  Organic fruits.  Organic vegetables.  Drinking alkaline water.  I think maybe the key to health and weight loss is planning.  It's knowing what to eat and when and how much.  Not just to not be hungry, but to nourish your body, feed your soul, and heal whatever ails you.  To do that, having options helps A LOT.  So, we are trying hundreds of new recipes that use all the foods that are best for your body (from what I can determine).  And a little trust in yourself.  And a reason to keep going when it's hard and different from what everyone else eats.

I feel good.  I have energy.  I am happy.  Optimistic.  Joyful.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Today was a beautiful Sunday.  Despite the fact that we lost an hour (man do I hate that!).  Church was uplifting and fed my soul.  Also, the weather is absolutely glorious!  Welcome, Springtime.  :)

I have been asked to put a few things up on the blog. 

First, I will do the cupcakes.  I made cupcakes on Thursday for Relief Society and had a lot of fun doing it.  Although I only ate one (the Coconut Heaven), I did make sure that the others were good before I fed them to anyone.  They appeared to pass muster, so here they are...

These are from Vegan with a Vengeance

Coconut Heaven Cupcakes
1 cup flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ cup oil
1 cup coconut milk
⅔ cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup unsweetened coconut


Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Put papers in muffin tin.

Sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. In a separate bowl combine the oil, coconut milk, sugar, and vanilla. Pour the dry ingredients into the wet and mix until smooth. Fold in 1 cup coconut. Use an ice cream scoop to fill each muffin tin 2/3 full. Bake at 350 for 20-22 minutes. They should be brown around the edges and spring back when touched.

Fluffy Coconut Frosting

¼ cup vegan margarine
¼ cup coconut milk
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups powdered sugar
1 cup coconut (best if unsweetened)

Cream the margarine until light and fluffy. Add the coconut milk and vanilla. Add powdered sugar and mix until smooth—this could take up to 5 minutes! It really does take a while, so don't get discouraged.  Add coconut and combine. Refrigerate until ready to use.  I used unsweetened coconut in the frosting, and then sprinkled a little sweetened stuff on the top.

These were adapted from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World.  I made the Vanilla Cupcake recipe, and then folded in some frozen blackberries.  I made the frosting using cream cheese.  Although I purchased a vegan version, it was a brand I hadn't used before and I wasn't a big fan.  So, I used some reduced fat regular cream cheese I had in the fridge.  It was the cream cheese frosting recipe from Better Homes & Gardens Cookbook.  I did take about 1/3 of it and add blackberries and blackberry juice, and hence a bit more powdered sugar so that I could swirl together the colors.

2 cups soy milk
2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar
2.5 cups all purpose flour
4 tablespoons cornstarch
1.5 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
1 cup Earth Balance butter
1.5 cups sugar
4 teaspoons vanilla
½ teaspoon almond  extract

Preheat oven to 350. Put liners in muffin tin.

Whisk the soy milk and vinegar in a measuring cup and set aside to curdle.

If using margarine: sift the flour, cornstarch, baking powder, baking soda, and salt into a large bowl and mix.

In a separate large bowl, using a handheld mixer at medium speed to cream the margarine and sugar for about 2 minutes until light and fluffy, but don't beat past 2 minutes. Beat in vanilla and other extract, and then alternate beating in the soy milk mixture and the dry ingredients, stopping to scrape the sides of the bowl a few times.

Fill cupcake liners 2/3 full and bake for 20 to 22 minutes until done.

Finally, I made a chocolate cinnamon cake for the chocolate cupcakes.  This is not actually a cupcake recipe, although I made cupcakes with it.  I frosted half of them with an almond frosting that Sorena made (and colored purple).  She'll have to post that recipe.  The other half I covered with a chocolate ganache called Holy Chocolate Frosting.  I put a pretty little purple flower on top.  I don't have a picture of that one cause they all get eaten.  You'll have to use your imagination (or memory if you were there!).

This recipe was from Eat, Drink, and Be Vegan and is called Chocolate Sin-ammon Cake.

1.25 cups spelt flour
1 cup all purpose flour
½ cup regular cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking powder
1.5 teaspoons baking soda
1.125 cups unrefined sugar
½ teaspoon sea salt
2-2.5 teaspoons cinnamon
¼ teaspoon nutmeg
1.75 cups water
⅛ cup balsamic vinegar
1.5 teaspoons pure vanilla
¼ cup canola oil
Preheat oven to 350.

In large bowl, combine dry ingredients, sifting in flour, cocoa, baking powder, and baking soda, and mix until well combined.

In a separate bowl, combine water, vinegar, vanilla, and oil. Add wet mixture to dry, and stir until just well combined.

Lightly oil 2 round cake pans. Pour batter evenly into pans. Bake for 23 to 25 minutes, use toothpick test.








The one I don't have a picture of used Holy Chocolate Frosting (so ridiculously easy).  It is from
ExtraVeganZa.

1 cup vegan dark chocolate chips
⅓ cup soy margarine
Melt on low heat. Pour over a cooled cake. Put dessert in fridge and let the icing set.

Hopefully you're not terribly sick of me yet.  I also made the Vegan Chipotle Ranch dressing (YUM) although I only put in 1/2 cup of the sour cream.  I had it with a taco salad.  I used a multigrain baked chip, avocado, my homemade salsa, black beans, and some romaine lettuce.  Although it packed a punch it was a yummy punch. 

Finally, I had the kids make some Ants on a Branch from the Family Fun Cookbook.  They were not that easy, as they kept falling off the pretzel, but they are pretty cute.  It made a big difference to scrape a portion of the pretzel flat so it would hold the "ants."

12 chocolate covered malt balls
½ cup chocolate chips
4 pretzel rods
chow mein noodles
candy dot eyes
black shoestring licorice

With a butter knife, scrape a flat spot on the bottoms of 12 malt balls. Next, melt the chocolate chips.

Set the four pretzel rods on a cooling rack to keep them from rolling. Place waxed paper under the rack to catch chocolate.

Before the chocolate sets, press three malt balls, flat sides down, on each pretzel to create an ant's body. For legs, dip the ends of six crunchy chow mean noodles into the chocolate and stick them on the pretzel. Use more chocolate to attach eyes and antennae.

More recipes...

I can't even wait to put these on.
I had some yummy food today.
First I made some Chipotle Ranch: (from 500 Vegan Recipes)
1 cup vegan Mayonnaise
1 cup nonsairy sour cream
2 Chipotle peppers in adobo sauce, finely chopped
1/2 tsp. dried parsley
1/2 tsp. dried dill
1/4 tsp. garlic powder
1/4 tsp. onion powder
1/4 tsp. cummin
1/4 tsp. salt
1/8 tsp. black pepper

Then I made some spelt flour tortilla's. I'm not really sure why I used spelt flour, but Andrea knows...

Spelt Flour tortillas: (from PH miracle for Weight Loss)
2 cups spelt flour
1 cup water
1/4 cup olive oil
any other seasoning you want.
I put like 2 or 3 TBS of Italian Seasoning in mine.

Put all ingredients in a bowl and mix together. Then knead with more flour. This made about 10 tortillas for me. I cooked them on my griddle with some olive oil.
Then I made some tostadas with refried black beans and a tomato, jalapeno salsa thing...
I put a tomato, 1/2 jalapeno, 3 green onions, salt, pepper and 1 tsp. of rice vinegar in a bowl and mixed it up.
Then layered the tostadas:
Beans, lettuce, the salsa and avacados then the yummy chipotle.

So for dinner I'm gonna make a taco salad so I can have the chiotle again. I am going to put spinach in it too.


The artichoke dip I made was SO yummy!
1 can artichokes (It doesn't have marinade. We got them at the health food store.)
1 tsp. olive oil
1 tsp. dried Italian seasoning.
Blend or puree all together.
I started out eating this with veggies, but then I just ate it because I liked it so much.

So fun and so yummy! Enjoy!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

So yesterday I baked bread, made "chocolate mylk" and tried my hand for the first time ever at a gnocchi.  I ate too much bread, though.  I can't make homemade bread yet.  It's too tempting to just eat and eat and eat it. 

The chocolate mylk made an AMAZING nut smoothie this morning.  I put frozen banana, ice, chocolate mylk, and almond butter in my blender and voila!  Tasted like a chocolate banana shake.  Gene, Kaelys, and Kailea all had some.  And best of all the world, no sugar!

Today The gnocchi I would say was not worth the trouble.  It was okay, but a little mushy.  I forgot to take a picture, but not worth the lots of work.

Today I made the black eyed peas w/plantains from Appetite for Reduction, along with a snow pea salad (snow peas, red onions, walnuts, and a citrus-y sauce.  It was very good.  :)  See the pictures.

A few of my favorite recipes from this week.

A few easy changes: switch from white rice to BROWN rice! Have fruit for a snack inbetween meals and have a handful of nuts or seeds to go with it. Like, almonds, pecans, walnuts, pumpkin, soy, sunflower...
And drink lots and lots of water, with lemon in it. (1/4 lemon per 16 ounces of water)

Quinoa stuffed Avacado: (from Vegan Fire & Spice)
1 cup quinoa
2 TBS olive oil
1 small red onion (chopped)
1 ripe tomato (diced)
1 TBS minced parsley
salt
pepper
2 Avacados (diced)
First, cook the quinoa. It cooks like rice. 1 cup of quinoa to 2 cups of water and salt.
Then in a skillet heat up the olive oil and sautee the red onions for about 5 minutes.
Then in a bowl mix all the ingredients together and enjoy! YUMMY!


Salsa:
4 Tomatoes (diced)
1 jalapeno (minced)
1 or 2 limes for juicing
1 onion (chopped)
cilantro
salt
pepper
garlic (optional)
Add it all together-put on everything!

Bean and Avacaco Burrito: (from Ultra Metabolism)
2 cups Romain lettuce (shredded)
2 TBS yellow onion
1/2 an avacado (chopped)
2 TBS cilantro (optional)
salsa
refried beans (I used refried black beans)
1 Sprouted grain tortilla (SO GOOD!)
Put it all in a tortilla and enjoy.

Rosemary Potatoes: (from Ultra Metabolism)
1 pound red potatoes cut into quarters
3 TBS olive oil
1 TBS chopped rosemary
salt
pepper
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Toss together the potatoes, rosemary, olive oil, salt, and pepper. Spread on baking sheet. Roast for about 20 minutes, turn over and roast for about 10 to 20 more minutes. Until they are golden brown on the outside and soft in the middle. OK so yum!

Other things I really liked this week:
1. Creamy Cauliflower Confetti Soup
2. Black bean and Butternut Squash Chili
3. Vegtable Coconut Korma (Indian dish)

Things I've learned this week...

I've learned several things, I may add to this post as I think about different things, but right now, I need to get all of this out of my head. :)

1. I have always thought that if I were to get skinny, I would end up not liking my husband or my family. I know this seems like an odd thought. But most people that I know, most women, get skinny, get healthy and leave their husbands and families. I thought I would rather be fat and happy then skinny.
Anyway, I have learned that as I am losing this weight, I LIKE Chris even more!! I didn't think that was possible-but it's true. We seem so much more connected and on the same page. I can talk to him and have fun with him. So that makes me happy!

2. I have also said...I can be fat and eat chocolate and not have "a voice" in my own home, or I can be skinny find my voice and be a bear to live with. I have always held things in until I couldn't anymore and then get really mad over stupid things. I was a pressure cooker. I am finding out that as I speak up-the world doesn't end and I get to be heard and even understood. I feel so relieved inside. I don't have that built up anger like I used to. I'm not a pressure cooker inside anymore! Funny thing is...I didn't even know I had anger issues until recently.

3. Chris really does have my back!! Like the first 2 have mentioned. But specifically I can think of several times when I have said something, then doubted (felt guilty for) the consequence that I just put into place and Chris has said that I was right and stood by me and helped me follow through. It feels so free. (freeing)

4. I like yummy tasting food. :0

5. I am usually a happy person. I spend most of my time in happiness. I don't let myself express it like I want to-I'm working on that.

anyhow....

Monday, March 7, 2011

Although I haven't written an introduction or posted who I am, I thought I'd jump right in with tonight's dinner.  It was very fun.  My picky Kailea would only eat the halibut (which she says she loved) and some fresh mango--who doesn't love that?!? And I MADE my husband try the sweet potatoes, but everything was full of flavor and yummy.

It was Spicy Blueberry Halibut, Chickpeas & Sweet Potatoes (from Vegan Fire & Spice), and a big salad of spinach, romaine, fresh mango, cherry tomatoes, and pecans.  The blueberry sauce was very spicy, and the chickpeas packed a punch too, hence the sweet yumminess of mangoes to ease the fire.  The salad was Gene's favorite part of the meal!

I'll post recipes if anyone wants them!

My beginning....

This picture was taken at Christmas time. I saw it and couldn't believe it was me.
I started Jan. 20th on a journey to lose weight.
I have lost 20 pounds as of today and decided to start blogging because I want to help other people lose weight.
I finally feel like I am heading in the right direction.
I am happy to be taking this path with 2 of my good friends Andrea and Jill.
For more about me and my children check out my family blog. www.therollingmarbles.blogspot.com Stay here for the ups and downs of weight loss and fun, yummy recipes that we are trying.